Episode 25 | Know Your Worth & Demand It Every Time

Question

Hey Work Wives. My name is Cora. I'm from Dallas. I just started a new role at my company, and every day I'm meeting a bunch of new people. When I meet them, and they talk about their work history, they always sound so impressive, but when I introduce myself, it sounds really lame. I have had some really good experiences and I'm really proud of the work I've done, but how do I communicate that to people I'll now be working with more closely, so that they trust me and know I can add value? Thanks.

Summary

We say it all the time: you are the only one advocating for you. So you’ve gotta know your worth and remind yourself of how you add value every day, every week, every month, and every quarter.

Otherwise, you’ll feel small, think small, and play small. And that’s just not how the game of corporate America is won.

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Email your question to help@askyourworkwife.com. Include your name, your city if you want, and whatever context might be helpful for us to know. And don’t forget to start with “Hey, Work Wives!”

Transcript

Holland: Where are the gold stars? Tell me where they are.

Vanessa: Consider this your fair warning. We talk fast, we move fast, we swear fast, so if you're listening at 2x speed you may miss some content, but you'll also miss the F-bombs. You're welcome.

Vanessa: Hi, I'm Vanessa.

Holland: And I'm Holland. You're listening to Ask Your Work Wife.

Vanessa: Where every week we answer your questions about how to get more out of corporate America.

Cora: Hey, Work Wives. My name is Cora. I'm from Dallas. I just started a new role at my company, and every day I'm meeting a bunch of new people. When I meet them, and they talk about their work history, they always sound so impressive, but when I introduce myself, it sounds really lame. I have had some really good experiences and I'm really proud work I've done, but how do I communicate that to people I'll now be working with more closely so that they trust me and know I can add value. Thanks.

Vanessa: This is actually a super important question. And this is the answer. Cora, the only reason you don't think you can add value is because you're not reminding yourself of the value you add every month. You need to do this regularly because you'll forget it. And the forgetting leads to not having the confidence to walk in the room and be like, "You know what I fucking did last week? I made us $2 million. That's the value I'm adding to this moment, in this meeting." You're, you're asking us, like, you're meeting a bunch of new people and they're talking about their work history, and they always sound so impressive. To me, that's imposter syndrome. And it, it rears its ugly head in weird ways. And like, subtle ways. Like, I know we've done an episode about this. It's...

Holland: I feel like it's 19. But if you'll hold, please. Episode 20.

Vanessa: Close. Um, Episode 20, like, we talked about this. But I think imposter syndrome is something that like, needs to be talked about more, more frequently, more often than not, in like the weird, icky, subtle ways it, it like, creeps into your brain. Because that, that little bit of like, "They always sound so impressive, but I sound so lame." That's going to keep you from asking for what you want. That's going to keep you from getting the raise you deserve. That's going to keep you from making big leaps in your career. And the only thing that needs to change in this situation is you. You need to stand on firm ground, and firm numbers on like, the value you have added. And you need to do it all the time. Every week, every month, every quarter, you need to know exactly what you did in the last 72 hours, that like, made your company money. And it's, it's not for other people, it's for you, because once you, you know, those numbers cold, you walk into any situation, you know exactly why you're in that room. And that is let's fucking go territory. D'you know what I'm saying, like, if you look at like my career on paper, it's super not impressive. It's just not. It's like, a couple of years here and a couple of years there, and like, changing like, industries and changing careers. And like I got, I got an email once from somebody who, their company who's offering career coaching, which is hilarious to me.

Holland: Oh, I know...

Vanessa: So funny to me. Um, and they emailed me at work, which I'm like, "Okay." Um, but clearly they like, stocked my LinkedIn and they reached out to me, and the email was, "Hey, our company is looking for people who are like, mid- career, maybe don't know what they want, and we're hoping to work with you." And I was like, a little insulted, because...

Holland: Have If you heard my podcast.

Vanessa: I was like, "Hi." Um, but I was like, Oh, if I were to, like, when I look at my LinkedIn through my eyes and the story that I tell to myself, and to people that I interviewed with, um, I'm super fucking impressive. I've done a lot of things. I've like, gotten into, gotten into a lot of industries, learned things really quickly, and made big projects happen. But from someone else who doesn't know that narrative looking at it, like, it doesn't look impressive. It's not great. You know how people are like, "No, you're good on paper." I'm not good on paper. I'm good in person. So mild, this is where, this is how I really honed the like, your resume's only job is to get an interview cause I'm great in interviews. Because I know the value I bring to the table, even if the paper doesn't reflect it. That's, I think that's what's going on here with Cora, is that she just doesn't understand the value that she brings to the table. And as soon as she does, her attitude is going to change, her syntax of her sentences is going to...

Holland: ...holding herself in a room, right. I've experienced this, actually, recently, where I kind of fell out of the...

Vanessa: Mm.

Holland: ...we're supposed to do.

Vanessa: Yeah.

Holland: Yeah, me?

Vanessa: Practice what you preach.

Holland: Hey! Working on it. But like, we've talked about how, like every month, you're-- and, and this was a Vanessa's alluding to, right, every week, every month, every quarter, you should have a time set apart for yourself, to look back and write down the shit that you did. And I know it's hard. It's fucking...

Vanessa: it's time consuming.

Holland: ...consuming, you're never at a stopping point in your projects, they're always like, fluid and...

Vanessa: They're still

Holland: new. Yeah, it's not like there's like, "Okay, everyone, our projects are complete at the end of the corridor, and like, everyone can like, take a moment, reflect on their great work." It's not like that. So you have to do it for yourself, right. Yeah. You're always mid cycle. It passes. Where are the gold stars? Tell me where they are. It is exhausting. It is exhausting to pull your reports. It's exhausting to look back through your statuses. It's exhausting to look back and be like, what things did I build? What things did I grow? What things did I accomplish? What did I not accomplish? Like how, you know, what am I learning? Like what have I learned? What do I need to learn? And... it takes a minute. And I'll tell you it takes a longer minute if you haven't done it in a while!

Vanessa: More like a whole day.

Holland: ...takes a whole...

Vanessa: Concentrated. 10 hours.

Holland: But what I can tell you, Cora, what I can tell you, Cora, is that's fucking worth it. Because you come out of that hour or 30 minutes or 10 hours that you spend with yourself, kind of feeling like fucking bad-ass, first of all, but also, more importantly, being able to like, draw a line between all the things you've accomplished and why they matter. You're able to clearly state, this is what Vanessa was saying, like syntax changes. The words come to your mind because they're, you're breathing and living them. You're not just doing the work at work, you're, you're observing and acknowledging and like, being intentional. It's like a meditative practice, right? To be like, I've done this, here's how it impacted things, here's how it's grown. And just that practice of studying those data points, those accomplishments. You just have it now because it's who you are, and you've, you've taken the time to intentionally integrate it into who you are.

Vanessa: And I guarantee you, as soon as you do that, you're, you're going to change from, "They talk about their work history," and instead of going, "They always sound so impressive, but when I introduce myself..." It's going to be, "They talk about their history, they sound so impressive, and I know I belong in the room." Suddenly, your conversation goes from us versus them or me versus them or me the imposter and them, to we have the coolest fucking team, or we're making epic shit happen. If, you know, you know.

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Vanessa: It needs some help.

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Vanessa: Yeah, and tell him why that's a bad idea.

Holland: Send it to any of the 12 million people in this country who are looking for a new job right now.

Vanessa: And after you send it to all those people, every single one of them, rate, review, subscribe.

Vanessa: Welcome back. Now that Holland has confessed to maybe not practicing when she preaches, let's, let's really dive into the transformation, Holland, like how did you feel after you went back through all of your projects and really, really distilled down like what, what you'd accomplished?

Holland: I was actually kind of surprised.

Vanessa: Yeah.

Holland: I relate to Cora, right, it's like, she says, "I've had some really good experience. I'm really proud of the work I've done." I felt that way, too. I was like, I know I'm here for a reason.

Vanessa: But what are those reasons? If you can't name them off the top of your head, you're not doing this practice. And you're not staying in, in this like, meditative state that requires... I like your analogy because, 'cause meditation requires like, attention be drawn to, to these things, to make sure you stay in a place where you can be wholly yourself. And like, corporate America, there's a lot of shit flying at you. And if you get wrapped up in it, and you forget to stay in the meditative state that you've created by making sure you know your numbers, making sure you understand your value, making sure you understand why you're in the room, you very easily get, get like, tossed around with the egos in the room. You're gonna get trampled.

Holland: That's exactly right, and what I, in addition to feeling kind of like surprised and like kind of impressed with myself, I, all of a sudden, all of a sudden my sights got like, 10 points higher. I was like, "Oh, like, my expectations have been too low. It's time to raise the bar." And all of a sudden, I had no problem having conversations, going into different rooms, talking bigger, like expecting more from other people. "We're not fucking around on this B minus level anymore. It's time to level the fuck up." And so I just kind of like, it elevated me out of my own insecurities, and allowed me to go in and have conversations that actually needed to be had...

Vanessa: Uh-huh.

Holland: ...but that were so much more important and impactful than the kind of like, small space I had been playing in, mentally, beforehand.

Vanessa: Amen! Cora, the only thing I'll tell you an answer to this question is if you think small, you're going to diminish yourself. If you're thinking like, other people are bigger, more impressive, whatever, you're going to continue diminishing yourself. You have to remind yourself that you play big, too. You've done really good work, and it's really impressive. But you ha— like, I don't know what it is about women, but women constantly have this problem. I don't know if like, men just see something and think it's bigger than it is. But like, women tend to have this problem of like, seeing the bar so far above them when actually, the bar's on the floor, and you're standing on it, you're trying to, you're trying to be the best. Take a pause on the mountain and look down and make sure you know how far you've really come. That makes sense, This is why I love. So I love, weirdly, paying my taxes. I don't love paying my, let's, all right, I love filing my taxes. I don't love paying taxes. But like, what it does for me is it...

Holland: You just like getting your W2.

Vanessa: It forces me to take a look back and like, have that moment of reflection, that like, isn't afforded to you in corporate America. It makes me look at like, the numbers. Says like, "Okay, how much money did I really make in this year? How much money did I make last year? What did I do compared to, like." I've talked about this. on this podcast before like, 2017, I made $9,000. That's the poverty line, in case you're wondering, right? Like, that was just five years ago.

Holland: Wasn't that fucking...

Vanessa: It wasn't that long ago. And so now, like, now, I'm making way more than that. And I have this, like, gorgeous apartment, and all this furniture, and I'm going on this international, like a couple international trips, it turns out, and like, I love it. So I did my taxes again this year, like for 2021, and I had this moment where like, let's remind everyone I moved, so like, was at my former position for a month, and then I moved, and then I was like, at this weird moment with this crazy agency in Houston for 30 days, and then I had like, a new job with a company that I love and I'm working at now. So I like had three W2's to play with. I added it all up. And I, and I realized like, "Oh, if I just take the W2 from the new job, which I've been in for six months, it is more than my entire 2020 tax return." We've leveled all the way up. And it's, and it's because of this, like, because I knew exactly what I had done at that company, even though they weren't paying me what I was worth. And like, I brought it to the table here and said, "Okay guys, like, this is what I'd like to do for you," but it takes knowing your numbers cold and like, having these moments of pause, where you're like, "Oh," so like, not only did I get that mode between 2020 and 2021, but also like, I got to look back at like, "Okay, 2017 was only five years ago, and like, I was making $9,000." But yeah, so that's like, I like the last part of course question, where she says, "How do I communicate that to people?" And that being, " I want to work more closely with people, so they trust me and I can add value." I'll tell you that they already do. You just don't know they do.

Holland: That's why you are where you are, Cora. You wouldn't be here unless you were adding value.

Vanessa: The numbers won't lie to you.

Holland: There's no tactics. There's no tips. There's no tricks. There's no 10 point list of things to do. It's about knowing what you've done, why it matters. I love this theme as well. We're meditating on it. On a weekly, monthly, quarterly basis. We talked a little bit about how to do this. Set some time apart for yourself, make notes, refer to your Statuses, pull your data, send it to yourself in an email.

Vanessa: And it, it all comes down to, I say this all the time to the women we work with: know your value, and demand it every time. Cora, it's time for you to know your value. You're going to find the numbers. Make sure you keep them in front of mind all the time. It does more for you than anyone else.

Holland: Got a question for Ask Your Work Wife? Record your question and email the recording to help@askyourworkwife.com. Include your name, your city if you want, and whatever context might be useful for us to know. And don't forget to start with, "Hey, Work Wives!"

Vanessa: If you've gotten this far the episode, and you still haven't turned us off, 'cause you fucking love our bloopers, we love you. And we want to give you a heads up that next week, we're doing something a little bit different. We are going back to school. We get questions from women in college all the time who are wanting to get in corporate America. They know this is what they want. And instead of like, starting a whole 'nother podcast, 'cause we really did contemplate it for a while, we've realized, like, every single one of these questions distills down to five answers. So we've put together a series over the next five weeks of Ask Your Work Wife: College Edition. Our invitation for you this week is to send it out to anyone you know who's in college. Send them this episode and get them ready for the next five. Because they're going to need it.

Vanessa: I got to look back at like, "Okay, 2017 was only five years ago, and like, I was making $9,000."

Holland: It's kind of a nice little chart...

Vanessa: Yeah.

Holland: ...up and to the right.

Vanessa: Yes. Hey.

Holland: Love it.

Vanessa: To the moon, you guys.

Holland: ...is that like a startup thing or a LinkedIn thing? It's like, bothering me.

Vanessa: Oh, you're adorable. It's a crypto thing.

Holland: Fuck me. Of course it is.